The main point of contention of those who want around with a black cloud over their head & lives is the whole iPhone battery thing – they seem actually distraught and on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

THE BATTERY! THAT BATTERY. IT MIGHT DIE YEARS FROM NOW – WHAT DO WE DO? WHAT DO WE DO?

In many years from now, if the iPhone battery dies or does not charge right, what will I do? What will I do?! ANSWER ME NOW FOR I CANNOT GO ON!

First, they’ve had the phone for 2 days (or about a week now). If your battery is draining to zero already without you using it, take it back and get another one.

Yes, you are right, in 730+ days from now, maybe there might be a problem but I guess it’s easier for them to presume it will absolutely, positively be a huge problem that is enough to cause them anguish right now.

How about waiting? If they really fail in 6 months, you can file a class action lawsuit and win millions (or at a million coupons) – do you feel better?

Or how about something unique, actual try and not think of the absolute worst case scenario and use the thing and see how it really works? Or perhaps, by the battery failing and the headphones stop working, you can hear the giant truck with failing brakes and you’ll jump out of the way – Apple saves your life – so maybe it’s a good thing on exactly 730 from now, you are sure the battery will just die? Ever think of that? Or that on your way to the Apple store to yell at the genius and I-told-you-so, you met the significant others of your dreams who is there to buy the new iPod BATTERY Shuffle which plays 1 song but has a battery life of 70,000 years? I can’t predict your future but apparently by touching an iPhone, you go into a trance and you can uncannily predict its battery life and death to the minute?

You might be freakin’ amazing or just a freak.

FINGERPRINTS

OMG! OMG! This screen I’m touching has fingerprints on it – I swear I only had 11 pieces of Crisco fried chicken.

Get over it.

The phone has a touchscreen. You are supposed to touch it. It will get fingerprints.

If you drive, bugs will get on your car and on your windshield.

If you leave it inside a garage, dust will fall on it.

If you never get in the car, the plastics inside the car will breakdown and leave a dust-like layer.

And these things are inside your nasal cavity – yep, pollen …

So, yes, some things you should keep your fingers out of the equation – wall sockets, plasma TV screens, and well, you know the third … also, don’t lick your Apple products like Olivia Munn.

Otherwise, touch it, use it, wipe it clean if it freaks you out somehow.

AND NOW, FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT …

“Wave of iPhones could add to e-waste”

I implore you, when you no longer want your iPhone, do NOT throw them at whales in the ocean. I know we’ve been doing that all along but apparently it’s a non-no now …

The idiocy of that sentence is that it could apply to anything.

“wave of microbes dying could add to Earth’s waste”

“new babies add to Earth’s waste”

“breathing expels CO and contributes to global warming & Earth’s waste.”

“printing this headline kills another tree and the ink could add to Earth’s waste.”

NEW IPHONES TO ADD 3G … MAYBE

People lament the absence of 3G as if it was summer vacation days of yore for anyone older than 24.

3G is great for laptops – you get the internet at near DSL speeds anywhere in the US but the lightest 3G laptop is at least 2.5 lbs.

Yes, there are phones with 3G, how many people prior to the iPhone were using their phones to surf the internet at 3G speeds in the US? Maybe 400,000 people out of 120 million cell phones in the US – hardly a ringing endorsement of 3G. Why didn’t people care about 3G on their phone?

Well, phone screen was too tiny but obviously Apple resolved that.

Battery life is limited to hours. Can you imagine that uproar? Followed by the cries that Apple should release an EDGE phone that’s cheaper and has better battery life? (You know ZDNET would be on that bandwagon. They are probably criticizing Apple for going with color in the visible spectrum – what about all those colors in the invisible spectrum?)

TOO EXPENSIVE – $60 a month just for that. Again, just imagine how crazy people would get.

Sure, it would be nice to have internet 24/7 at near broadband speed but would you pay $50 dollars MORE and have less battery life?

When the current solution is in many ways better? WiFi can be 10 times faster than 3G. And in my limited testing of EDGE, it’s not bad. Is it instant-on? And instant re-draw of every page on the internet?, no – but for $20 a month – internet everywhere there’s an AT&T signal – not bad at all. It’s a good compromise of cost, speed, & convenience … like most things in life, it’s not 100% perfect. If you are willing to pay three times as much for 3 times the speed (3G is faster but compared to DSL/cable, it’s still slow) – then you can carry a laptop or buy a 3G phone instead of the iPhone.

So, the iPhone is clearly the best cell phone out there – no, it’s not perfect but there’s also no need to needlessly panic or focus on a few narrow points when common sense should point out those that with everything you use, there are compromises and choices.